I walk out among the snow and ice, and sigh. Snow has fallen, and fallen, and I have shoveled and shoveled. The cold has made ice. There are clouds in the sky. Yesterday, for five glorious minutes, the sun came out and shone on my face and for those few minutes I felt like the whole world paused. I wonder if where you are you can feel the kind of warmth the sun gives. Today is a bad day for me. I want to cry, to let it all out so I don't keep this lump in my throat a secret for everyone's sake. I am afraid of crying today. I feel like there is a river of tears wanting to push through, but at this point what will my tears do?
I want to call out your names, but the silence that would follow would be too unbearable. I am angry and hurting and lonely. Today I am not ok. Today I have to be ok because no one can help me carry this burden. There are too many things to do; kids to care for, food to cook, a house to clean, and work to finish up. I am last, and I hate that today.
Sometimes I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep..
There are too many hurts coming from different directions, and I am tired in my heart...
Today is a bad day for me, and I cannot change that.
