I can close my eyes and I can see your faces. I can almost feel the warmth of your skin under my lips as I kiss you and tell you "I love you." I have been holding back the tears more this year. I keep thinking that time isn't doing its job, I feel such acute grief daily. A part of me is trying to diminish this sadness, and I find myself apologizing for still being here at this place, unable to stand and face this even after so much time has passed.
There is no sunshine in this season. I always think of how fitting it was, that you died in the fall. Even the trees shed their leaves in mourning. The sky was grey and the cold wind blew straight through to the bone. The moon covered the sun and became too sad to move again. My tears fell and covered the earth. I imagined having to wade through it, wanting everyone to feel the pain I was feeling. I wanted everyone to stop and look up at the eclipse while standing in the puddles of my tears. I wanted everyone to be just as paralyzed as I was.
To my loves,Saturday, December 12, 2015
The Season of Eclipse
If I close my eyes tight enough I can transport myself back to a different time.
This year you would have been four years old. I imagine you would have looked a lot like Bella, your little sister, and that you would be just as funny and smart as she is. I imagine the sound of your laughter, I imagine your smiles, your voice, your personalities.
I want you to know that I love you very much. There are no words that can really explain what your absence has done to me. I sense a void in my heart and life that has become permanent. Your existence has scarred me, and your faces haunt my dreams...I am broken forever.
I want you to know that I love you very much. There are no words that can really explain what your absence has done to me. I sense a void in my heart and life that has become permanent. Your existence has scarred me, and your faces haunt my dreams...I am broken forever.
Come back..
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