There is no rising sun, or moon bright in the sky, no not for me. The beauty that I have been blessed to see is blinding and creates brightness all around me, yet there is a darkness that fights against it at every moment. No matter how much I try to look away from it, I am drawn to that dark place with its sad romantic melody, I am one with it.
I want so much to make something beautiful out of this dreadful sad story, something that would immortalize my sons in such a way that no one could ever deny their existence. My words fail me. I cannot articulate the emotion I felt when I saw them for the first time. I felt lucky, lucky to have been their mother, to have carried them and to have walked with them in my body, to have felt them live.
They may not have lived with their father and their sisters, but they lived within me. I knew their heart beats, I felt every graceful movement, every struggling turn.
I close my eyes and imagine smiles and laughter and words and love and hugs...I am suffocated by the memories of a life I never had,,,
It is an unfortunate lot to be surrounded by love, yet not have enough of it to heal the deepest part of my soul.
My loves, I wish to play you a song, yet I have no musical talent. I wish to erect a monument to you but I haven't the skill. I wish to create beauty just for you, but I don't know what could reach your heart. I wish you to know that I, your mother, love you infinitely and always, deeply and forever. I am with you although you may not be able to see me...my love extends beyond every dimension, and if there were a map to show me where you both are I would exhaust my strength to find you...
My heart will search for you always,..
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