The world where you exists is this great expanse consisting of confusing winding roads and everything on the ground reflects the silver sun above me. I can look directly into this sun. It fills me with warmth and a deceptive comfort that I just want to give into. I look away from it because if I stay looking up I am afraid this path will move and change my direction. I wont find you if I stay here. When I started this journey there were many promises made by those who love you, to stay and endure no matter how long it took to find you. They are all gone now. They stayed where the sun shone on them so brightly and were able to accept its warmth and comfort as enough to give in and give up. To them you are lost.
Some days I forget why I am still walking this path. It seems that I am walking in circles and I am weary and so lonely. I cannot remember the sound of anyone's voice or the faces of any of my loved ones. When I am at my lowest I swear I can hear your hearts beating in the moon, it is the song that sings me to sleep every night. I tell myself that it is you calling for me, you are telling me you see me, not to give up because I am close to finding you.
I keep imagining a veil, one that I could just reach my arms through, that would allow me to get to your side. Have you grown in the years that have passed? Can you hear my voice crying out to you? When I say 'I love you', do you say it back to me? The part of me that died with you, is she there taking care of you?
Maybe you can't see that this terrible thing has happened. Maybe you are walking the same winding roads peacefully on the other side of the veil.
My heart is weary.
I close my eyes and imagine kissing your little hands and toes. I see and hear you laugh and smile. Sometimes it's so real, I reach out to touch you. In those moments the silver sun is the warmest and the gentlest. Its so hard to pull away from its deception. Are you in the moon above me? Is that why I can hear your hearts beating?
My heart is weary. It is a heavy weight in my chest. My heart won't give up.
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