Monday, May 20, 2013

Mom after death

I have to join the land of the living soon. There is a part of me who wants to stay here with my sons, in the memory of holding them close and kissing their little faces, where I could still smell their skin and mentally record everything I could about them, and never let go. I wake up to them everyday, to feel the absence they have left in my life. How can I connect the two halves of myself?

Jonah and Ryan, everyday I live you live. Every breath I take you breathe. The love I have for you is palpable even though I can't touch you. I'm scared of this journey through life without you. I need to join in now, so Kristin and Bella can have a mom too, not just half of a mom, but a whole one. I never stop loving you.

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For Rene

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