What is it about grief that draws me into it and I just willingly go? Today I woke up and I knew that I wouldn't be able to shake it off. Today I am remembering details of the day you were both born. I cannot lie, there will always be guilt on my part. I should have gotten up quicker, I should have gone to the hospital sooner. Now these memories are just a reflection of a time that I can never go back to. I will never mend these things, they will always be broken.
Today I just want to crawl into bed and sleep the day away. I don't want to face myself. I don't want to hear my own voice telling me I have to get up, I have to keep moving. Today I just want to lay down and cry and scream and just let grief overtake me, even if it takes me to a dark place.
I will never stop asking why. There will never be an answer that would ever be good enough. What is the point in all of this. My heart is broken, deformed, and discolored. Today I just want someone to hold me and let me cry and scream. Today I want to dream of the both of you so I can kiss you again and tell you that I love you.
I wish I could go to you, wherever you are. I know you still exist somewhere. I feel you in my soul.
I love you...
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